Rocky...

Well... I made it through the weekend by sleeping through most of Saturday and trying to be positive and happy on Sunday. The problem with trying to be happy is that:

a.) it doesn't work at all!

b.) it just reminds you that you are depressed

I know I should be thankful and not see this surgery as a set back but it has truly brought back all the emotional issues that came with the accident to begin with. I am hoping that goes away quickly because I really want to be happy! I was getting so positive and then I took a nosedive into depressed.

I am back at work today and had a rough and rocky morning. It is really hard to get ready when you have one leg to stand on! I know that my husband would help me with anything that I needed but I hate having to ask for help all the time. I got hot and flustered and overall pissy. Add on top of that it is Monday and rainy and a back to work day... it just wasn't good. I got to work and a coworker got my coffee for me and I took a few minutes to pull it together and so far the day hasn't been too bad. I ate an awesome Kindergartner's lunch:

• Peanut butter and jelly
• Clementine
• Organic animal crackers

It was yum! Sometimes you just need some good ol' comforting food! This hit the spot and gave me time to blog and look around on the Internet to "decompress" for an hour. I am really ready to leave though!

Tomorrow is my sweet husbands birthday. The big 3-0! I feel bad because I am not able to throw him a big party or anything but I do have some gifts for him and a red velvet cake... his favorite. I think he will be okay!

Pre Admission

I have my pre admission on Monday at 1:30 and for some reason am nervous about it?! I guess because I am not totally sure what all they will be doing at that time. From what I understand, it will be the following:

· Temperature
· Pulse
· Blood Pressure
· Height/Weight Check
· Blood work
· Possibly a chest x-ray

I also have to discuss my prior surgeries and any medications I am on. Hopefully this process won’t take too long because Atlanta Medical Center is where I have had all my trauma surgeries. I think that I will be meeting with my surgeon as well as the anesthesiologist to talk about the procedure however I am not totally sure.

I don’t know why I am getting so nervous about this?!? I need to just relax and keep in mind that a.) this surgery is going to make me feel a lot better and b.) this surgery is the easiest of all my surgeries to date. I mean… if I can recover from having half my body opened up to repair my vertebrae, I can recover from this. Stay positive!

Good-ish News!

I saw one of my surgeons today (who would ever think I would be saying "one of my surgeons"??!) and I got some pretty good news. I got x-rays of my ankle and the outer bones in my leg have almost grown back together. I was kind of freaking out while I was looking at the x-rays and waiting for Dr. Keating to come in and tell me what he thought. He felt that my bones should have already grown back together... so I immediately thought that meant I would have to continue to wait patiently for my last surgery. BUT... to my surprise he said that it was healed "good enough" for surgery (wtf does that mean exactly though... when it comes to me being able to walk normally and feel less pain... I need something more definite then good enough!?!)!! So I am now waiting for his receptionist to call me back with the date. We are shooting for late February/early March. I just want it over with so that I can get myself totally healthy! And maybe, just maybe, get some closure on this.

Watch for Falling Decks!

This is my first attempt at "blogging" and I am a little nervous. I have decided that this will be my therapy because:

1. It is free!!
2. I am feeling a little post traumatic stress
3. I enjoy reading my friends' blogs

I guess I should start off with my story or my current situation. Right now I am on disability and unable to work. But, I am getting ahead of myself... it all started on June 26, 2009. It was a beautiful early Summer day. I was at a lake enjoying a fun day with coworkers and knew that I would be having even more fun later that day because it was my best friend's husband's birthday. What could go wrong on such a great day you ask? A collapsing deck, that's what. The birthday party was at my best friend's house and we were cooking out. Everyone was on the back deck of her home and then CRACK! it suddenly fell about 20 feet. I landed in the dirt and immediately knew that bones were not as they should be. I lifted (or tried to lift) my right leg and it was dangling in places that do not have joints. Not good. I also knew that something was wrong with my back and was worried because I could not feel all of my body parts.

The police/firemen/ambulance came and I was the first to be lifted out of the dirt. They put a neck brace on me and strapped me to a board and then onto a stretcher. Then it was off to a hospital with my best friend in the ambulance with me. She was next to me on the ground and also knew that something was amiss with her back. They told us they were taking us to a level 2 trauma center and that was further confirmation that things were not good. I am not sure if it was hysteria or what but I was cracking jokes all the way to the hospital. I was more worried with making my friend less upset then I was worried about myself. We arrived at the emergency room and things there are a bit of a blur. They were doing an ultrasound on me to make sure I had no internal injuries/bleeding and they set my right leg to try and sooth the swelling. Then I had to have a CT scan which was not as bad as I thought it would be. Once they set me up in my room, they told me that I was in the ICU... WHAT?! "Am I dieing??" was all I could mutter to the nurse! She assured me that I would be fine but that I was in critical condition. She told me that my right leg and ankle appeared to be broken in several places and that my back was also broken but they didn't know to what extent. I had an MRI the next day... worst time of my life! Never. Want. To. Do. That. Again. Then they confirmed that yes my back was broken and that it would require surgery. Then they whisked me off to have surgery on my ankle. They did that surgery first because every time they moved me, it would shake my leg and cause excruciating pain. Several days later I was able to have my back surgery. During that procedure, one of my lungs collapsed... I guess they were right, when it rains, it pours!

After 2 weeks in the hospital I was released. I came home and started a long process of rehabbing. I did physical therapy for a month and a half on my ankle. I have almost gained back all mobility. I had to wear a "turtle shell" brace to restrict movement in my back. I recently was able to stop wearing that and am now in physical therapy again to build up endurance, strength, and mobility. It has been almost 4 months since the accident and I have had my ups and downs. One would think instead of saying "Why me??" you would think "I am so lucky that I did not get more hurt!". Some days I think the latter and some days I think that it isn't fair that I was hurt more then anyone else on the deck and some people only got bruises (damn them!). But I do know one thing for sure, I will be a better person once I get through this!